“明德立言” 第一届中国人民大学本科生英语写作大赛颁奖会暨获奖作品分享座谈会成功举办
日期： 2021-06-09
“明德立言” 第一届中国人民大学本科生英语写作大赛颁奖仪式暨座谈会于2021年5月27日中午在明德国际楼501圆满落幕。教务处副处长袁少暐、外国语学院副院长田丽丽、大学英语写作团队全体教师以及17位获奖同学参加了颁奖仪式和座谈会。会议由写作团队负责人王晓彤老师主持。
教务处副处长袁少暐指出，本次写作大赛的举办在中国人民大学本科生第二课堂实践活动中具有里程碑作用，希望外国语学院能够再接再厉继续举办这样的活动，让广大学生从参与中受益。外国语学院副院长田丽丽强调，写作大赛是立足于本科人才培养方面的改革和举措，希望参赛同学能够以此契机增强英语写作兴趣，提高英语写作能力。会议随即进行了颁奖仪式。
颁奖仪式结束后，获奖选手现场与写作团队教师面对面沟通和交流，聆听写作教师针对获奖作品的评语及修改意见，王晓彤老师从征文的立意、组织结构和语言使用三个方面对本次大赛的征文作品进行了简要的总结，指出了本次征文中的亮点及不足之处。最后，获奖同学从征文内容、大赛的举办方式、对英语写作的促进和提升等方面分享了参加本次写作大赛的心得和体会。
即日起，大赛组委会将陆续推送本次大赛的获奖作文，附有大赛评委点评及征文作者感言。所有征文同时在中国人民大学写作标准网站（swpe.ruc.edu.cn）分享。此次附文推送本次写作大赛获得一等奖的三篇征文（按照获奖顺序排序），作者分别为外国语学院俞依奇同学、商学院周殷絮同学和外国语学院李奕慧同学。
撰稿：王晓彤
一等奖征文
Take up the Torch of Times and Act As a Global Citizen
外国语学院俞依奇
“It was thebestoftimes, it was the worst oftimes.” The echoes of what Dickens wrotecenturies ago are no less relevant intoday's world. Although human society is advancing at an unprecedented speed, we human beings are still threatened by the looming shadow brought by multitudinous emerging global crises— coastal inhabitants are in imminent danger as rising sea levels resulting from climate change are devouring coastlines; Homeless people are in exile since their homelands have been mutilated by separatism and racial antagonism; Underprivileged people worldwide are seared in the flames of withering injustice and crippled by the chains of discrimination; People all over the globe will never forget the intractable human loss brought by the Covid-19... As formal UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon put it,“We are experiencing a severe test of human beings”(“You Must Be a Global Citizen”).
Encountering such challenges, the trend nowadays is worrying as people’s visions seem largely limited to their backyard. With flourishing conservatism, isolationism, and anti-globalization, national interests are prioritized while the well-being of all mankind is devalued.
However, the fact is: the whole world is our backyard. John Donne once said,“No man is an island, entire of itself. Each is a piece of the continent, a part of the main. ”To address urgent crises, China initiated the concept of “a Community of Shared Future for Mankind" in 2011, which provides us insight into breaking the deadlock.
The faith in global citizenship is the cure. Global citizensare people who self-identify first and foremostas members of human beings and are prepared to tackle global challenges on that belief (“Be a Citizen of the World”). Believing that individuals’ actions will have no substantial effect, many people tend to flout the idea of global citizenship. However, we are more powerful than we suppose. Today, with the advancement of technology and social media, individuals gain more access to information and more capacity to influence than ever before.What we actually need to cherish is the faith in global citizenship and ourselves.
With this faith, Jamaican girl Davinia, who is devoted to empowering females in Africa, has collected 700,000 pennies on her own through social media and sent over 120 impoverished girls to school. With this faith, the Metoo movement was launched on social rmedia to publicize covered sex crimes, which has evolved into an international tide. With this faith, thousands of Chinese medical staff have been missioned to aid the international society to fight against the pandemic. With this faith, people from every corner of the globe are carrying torches in the darkness of hardship for the sake of all mankind.
Now both the problems and the tools to solve them are right before us. What we should do is to take the glorious torches and be audacious enough toembark onachallengingjourney.
As a member of the global community, as a modern college student, I hope to gain the corresponding vision, knowledge, and skills by giving full play to the idiosyncrasies of my major background and my concerns over females empowerment. In 2018, I participated in the Commission on the Status of Women of PKU Model United Nations as a delegate and discussed international surrogacy issues in-depth with other youths. Through this experience, my vision was extended to a global scale rather than being locked into my neighborhood. Further drawing on gender studies courses and extracurricular relevant research, I progressively sank into the core of gender inequalities worldwide. Proficient language ability built up by my major prepares me to express systematically and exchange ideas regarding female empowerment and other global issues with debaters worldwide through British Parliamentary debating.
As Karl Marx once put it, explaining the world is not enough as the key lies in how to make substantial changes. Acting on my belief, I joined a volunteer program targeting promoting gender education for children in migrants' schools. Through our team’s efforts, I believe there will be some changes in the gender education environment. I believe gender equalitywill be improved and the underprivileged will be empowered worldwide.
Devoted to faith in global citizenship, I wish to insist on learning, practicing, and acting accordingly in the long run.
A prosperous future of our planet can only be achieved by focused joint efforts of the young generation committed to the faith in global citizenship. “If not me, who? If not now, when (“If Not Me”)?” Action speaks louder than words. Now it is time for individuals, especially youths, to take up the torch of times and transform the jangling discords worldwide into a symphony of unity. Now is the time to struggle together for peace and a life of dignity for all.
Works Cited
“Ban: you must be a global citizen.”China.org.www.china.org.cn/world/2014-05/23/content_32468943.htm. Accessed 8 May 2021.
“Emma Watson: If not me, who? If not now, when?” Psychologies.
www.psychologies.co.uk/emma-watson-if-not-me-who-if-not-now-when. Accessed 6 May 2021.
“Global citizen.” TED.www.ted.com/talks/kuei_yai_global_citizen. Accessed 7 May 2021.
“What does it mean to be a citizen of the world.” TED. www.ted.com/talks/hugh_evans_what_does_it_mean_to_be_a_citizen_of_the_world#t-25228. Accessed 7 May 2021.
教师点评
本文很好地实现了写作的四大要素：unity, support, coherence和language。开头使用Dickens的名言入题，引人入胜。接着提出了世界面临的一系列问题，用联合国秘书长的一句话结束，说明了问题的严重性。之后，进入重点分析（the best way for humanity），点出解决问题的最佳方案是：成为世界公民，高举时代旗帜。作者举出一系列例子支持自己的观点，让人信服。作者接着谈到自己作为当代大学生所应承担的责任，并叙述了自己履行这份责任的具体做法，很有说服力。最后，呼吁人们作为世界公民为建议自己的和谐家园共同努力。整篇文章从标题、立意、内容，再到语言，一气呵成，很好地完成了写作任务，不失为一篇成功的作品。
当然，本文也有不足：选题有点大，这毕竟是一篇有字数限制的竞赛作文。如果作者能局限于世界面临的某一问题或挑战并展开论述，也许会更有说明力。
参赛感言
“明德立言”英语写作大赛最让我惊喜的是赛后的研讨会环节。研讨会上，外国语的写作教师团队先是给了我们一个总体的写作反馈，随后又安排了写作教师和参赛选手间的一对一深入交流环节。刘启升老师细致地批注了我的征文并指出了其中的缺陷。刘老师的指导让我认识到了提升自身英语写作的方向和路径。非常感谢“明德立言”英语写作大赛的所有老师和工作人员！
一等奖征文
Earth, Humanity and Love
商学院 周殷絮
When Yang Liwei, “the first person of aerospace of China”, saw the beautiful cerulean planet---the earth through the porthole of Shenzhou V spacecraft, his eyes were instantaneously filled with tears. The words which he used most to describe the earth when he was interviewed were “very, very beautiful.” I speculate that the beauty of the earth in his eyes is so thrilling and fascinating that he failed to articulate his sensation. Indeed, our earth is a miracle. On this beautiful planet, human beings and other creatures are created and nourished by the marvelous nature, various splendid cultures coexist with each other, and people of different ethnicities facilitate the diversity of the world. Undoubtedly, we are fortunate to possess this fabulous cradle.
However, a substantial number of problems and challenges, including environmental damage, resource depletion, war and conflicts, poverty, gender inequality, epidemics and many more, imperil and afflict human beings frequently, making our future uncertain. As members of the earth, we definitely should contemplate the best way forward for humanity.
From my perspective, the best way forward for humanity is to cultivate humans’ capability to love. I maintain that it is love that works wonders. Possessing a compassionate heart with love, we will spontaneously show solicitude for other creatures and conserve the nature ardently on our own initiative. A heart full of love allows us to concern ourselves with the natural environment and treat other creatures equally, including plants and animals. It also enables us to appreciate every life around us and cherish deep sympathy, affection and gratitude towards the species on the earth instead of professing anthropocentrism.
What’s more, with love, we are more willing to treat others on an equal basis, collaborate with others and, more significantly, promote cooperation between countries to enable the world to unite, fortify mutual assistance and resolve the collective predicaments, instead of combating each other ceaselessly. Love possesses the magic to eliminate discrimination, greed, hatred and the boundaries of the countries, making the world more beautiful and harmonious. Just like Mother Teresa, with her sincere love, she helped cure the “diseases” of human beings---selfishness, greed, indifference, and cruelty, bringing warmth, kindness, justice and peace to the world through devoting all her life succoring and caring for the poor, the sick, the homeless and the dying. Similarly, we can use love to save the earth presently. For instance, during the outbreak of COVID-19, with altruistic love, numerous Chinese people unite to save the patients’ lives and successfully maintain the stability of the country. Since each individual living on this earth is like a carbon atom, only with the triple bond connecting us together will we become sturdy and indestructible. The triple bond is love. And it is love that associates us with other people---people of different genders, countries and ethnicities. Thus, it is imperative for us to cultivate people’s capacity to love through education and means of publicity.
Therefore, one of the things that I determine to do as a citizen of the earth is being committed to protecting the endangered creatures through working as a volunteer in local organizations with enthusiasm and responsibility, as well as respecting and treasuring the life of the animals and plants close to me. Since one carbon atom is minuscule, I fully understand my negligibility and will be in awe of the nature perpetually instead of being egotistical and contemptuous of other creatures. Nonetheless, holding the firm belief that I am unique and possess infinite potential to exert profound influence on nature protection, I will by no means underestimate myself.
Besides, to fulfill my role as a citizen of Earth, I resolve to follow the footsteps of Mother Teresa and become an individual filled with love so as to share and spread love around the world, enabling more people to realize the momentousness of love. The meaning of my life is to create and contribute more love to the people residing on the earth, regardless of their backgrounds, transforming the world into a community with a shared future by devoting myself to international supporting education career and philanthropy. Not only will I impart knowledge to my students to change their destiny, but also light up their love for the world with my own love. Through my efforts in educating and providing aid for people, especially those who are disadvantaged, the seeds of love can be spread all around. To some extent, we are supposed to transcend national boundaries to assist and cooperate with each other with a heart filled with love for humanity.
Negligible as one individual seems, once a substantial number of individuals’ force, endeavors and love converge, a brighter future will undoubtedly come, and our beloved earth will become increasingly beautiful. Therefore, in terms of my role as a citizen of Earth, I wish that I would be one of those individuals who make a difference to this beautiful world with efforts and love.
教师点评
本文开篇以我国首位宇航员杨利伟从太空看地球的视角赞美人类赖以生存的美丽星球，吸引读者关注地球公民如何应对当今世界的问题与挑战这一议题。作者进而提出“爱”是创造人类美好未来的最佳途径这一核心论点，并从对自然万物之爱和人类之间超越国家、种族、贫富的爱两方面展开论述，最后阐明自己作为地球公民在保护自然和传播大爱两方面的责任和行动。文章立意高远，中心思想明确。
在论述文章核心观点时，作者提供了较为充分的论据。例如：为了支撑人类需要相互关爱与合作这一分论点，作者给出特蕾莎修女救助贫病困苦者、以及中国团结抗疫救助生命作为例证，内容充实。另外，在阐明作为地球公民的个体行动方面，作者提出敬畏自然、爱护动植物，并通过参与国际教育和慈善工作点燃和传播爱，论述较为具体。
该文结构清晰，连贯性好，语言流畅，用词丰富，句式变化自然，作者展现出对语言良好的驾驭能力。
但该文也还有可改进之处：
句子之间内在意义的逻辑关联应该更加紧密；
在支撑论点时尽量使用更加具体的实例和具体的词，如第三段对自然之爱、以及第五段保护自然的行动方面的论述比较泛，不够具体。
参赛感言
对于能够参加“明德立言”首届中国人民大学本科生英语写作大赛，我感到十分荣幸。
其实，在我刚刚看见写作大赛的作文题时，题目本身所具有的宽广的格局便使我内心深受触动。它让我真正地静下心去思索地球与人类的命运，去考虑我作为人类的一分子应当履行的使命。
虽然起初我的写作思路并不十分清晰与完善，但是我仍然充满了强烈的动笔的欲望。在写作过程中，我既感受到了将心中的千言万语化为文字表达出来的乐趣，也经历了思路中断、难以下笔的瓶颈期。然而，不论是作文写作中的顺利之处，还是遭遇到的困难，于我而言，都是我备赛过程中的宝贵财富。
而在写完初稿后，我曾一遍又一遍地回过头阅读自己的作文，并不断地进行修改。我深知自己英语水平有限，但是，当我面对自己花费数小时完成的文章开始进行修改时，我感觉自己仿佛正在细细打磨一个工艺品。它并不美丽，更称不上完美，却是我心血的结晶，是我倾注情感制作而成的。当我最终修改完成后，我的内心充满了喜悦与欣慰。
同时，参加这次写作大赛使我收获了许多。
在备赛过程中，我体会到了沉浸在写作世界中的乐趣。在我看来，语言是人类最为独特而伟大的发明之一，我在写作之时也深深地体会到了英语的魅力。当一个个英文字母经过组合，连接成一句句能够传递心声的话语时，我被人类的智慧所折服，也对英语有了更深的理解与认识。
在接受老师指导的过程中，我更加深刻地认识到了自己写作的许多不足之处，也学习到了许多关于文章的切入点的选择、语义间的连贯、逻辑的清晰、论据的支撑等方面的知识，令我受益匪浅。
除此以外，这次大赛使我明白，写作一篇文章首先必须投入感情，这是一篇作文可以打动人的基础。真情实感是地基，语言是砖块，在具有情感的基础之上，辅以精彩的语言，一幢华美的大厦才得以建成。
最后，非常感谢这一次写作大赛给了我表达自己想法的机会，让我感受到了英语写作的快乐；也十分感激老师对我的悉心指导，使我收获颇丰。而我也会从这一参加大赛的经历中吸取经验，在未来继续努力，不断提升自我。
一等奖征文
Adopt a Plant-Based Diet and Save the Earth
外国语学院李奕慧
Someday in the late 21th century, the Earth is stricken by drought, blight and sand storm. Wheat and okra wither. Humanity is threatened by natural disasters and food crisis. The solution provided by Christopher Nolan’s Interstellar is a rhapsody of physics—in the black hole, the astronaut Cooper gets the quantum data needed to solve the gravity equation; a new home has been found for human beings in the outer space and finally the humanity of Earth is saved.
Facing the increasingly fragile Earth and worsening environment, sci-fi films always resort to the interstellar migration, which seems to leave us a silver lining in the vast universe. Setting aside the faraway dreams, I believe the most down-to-earth way is the best one forward for humanity—human beings make joint efforts to save our mother Earth, starting from deliberate food choice. Concerning the environmental protection, scientific research has proven that the plant-based diet is a more environmentally-friendly way out.
What we eat affects both the well-being of us individuals and world environment. Climate change is one of the toughest problems for this generation to deal with. Bringing about a rise in global average temperature and average sea level, global warming devastates many people’s homelands and generates millions of environmental refugees. The glaciers and ice caps melt at an abnormal rate, and thus destroy animal habitats, accelerate the speed of extinction of species and damage the ecosystem. However, few people know that the meat on their table is one of the main causes of greenhouse gas emissions—the culprit of a series of environmental problems. The impact of unwise food choice on the environment is no less powerful than any other anthropogenic activities such as car emissions, factory exhausts, etc.
The livestock industry accounts for 18% of the overall anthropogenic greenhouse gas emissions. Specifically, livestock farming constitutes 80% of greenhouse gases in agricultural sector. Carbon dioxide is generated accompanying the burning of fossil fuel in the mechanization of meat manufacturing and the production of animal feed. Emission of methane mainly comes from enteric fermentation and manure (Steinfeld et al. 86). Research on “the GHG emissions of 22 food items in Sweden” also proves that “vegetables, cereals and legumes” rank the lowest among 22 food items (Carlsson-Kanyama and Gonza ́lez 3). Compared with other diets, the plant-based diet is greener and cleaner with far less greenhouse gas emissions.
Besides, the plant-based diet is less energy consuming. Take water consumption as an example, cultivating plants depletes less water than raising livestock. Authors of Livestock’s Long Shadow claim that the water used by livestock industry “exceeds 8 percent of the global human water use”. Water used for irrigation of feed crops is the largest part, which is followed by livestock drinking and service water in farms and factories (Steinfeld et al. 167).
With industrialized producing patterns, animal feed largely relies on “concentrate feed and addictive”, which are made from certain agricultural products (Steinfeld et al. 134). Actually, agricultural products and water needed to produce a certain amount
of meat can feed a larger number of people. To relieve hunger in many places of the world, cultivating plants is far more economical than producing meat as far as the resources consumed.
It is high time that people should adopt a plant-based diet under the circumstance of global warming and the emergence of environmental loopholes. Founded in 2009, the US food company Beyond Meat takes the lead to revolutionize people’s diet by researching on and manufacturing the plant-based meat, aiming at co-creating a better environment with world consumers (Beyond Meat). As a citizen of Earth, a small step can make a big difference. Trying a plant-based diet on a Meat-Free Monday will not only contribute to environmental protection, but also better individual health and spirit. Anthropocentrism has long dominated human world since the rapid development brought by industrialization, but the repercussion of excessive desire and exploitation always reminds us of the importance of striking a balance between the development of civilization and the respect for nature.
“Do not go gentle into that good night”, as Dr. Brand chanted in Interstellar, every one of us can do more than we have achieved to relieve ourselves of the pains of environmental problems and food crisis. Do not give up the hope of change toward a greater future. Adopting a plant-based diet is constructive to eliminate GHG emission and save unrenewable resources, thereby helping build a greener and more sustainable future. Shouldering our responsibility to make bold food choice transformation is the best way forward for humanity in that every bite matters when the earth is facing the harsh reality of environmental and ecological catastrophe.
Works Cited
“Beyond Meat”. https://www.beyondmeat.com. Accessed 7 May 2021.
Carlsson-Kanyama Annika and D Gonza ́lez Alejandro. “Potential contributions of food consumption patterns to climate change.” The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, 01 April 2009. academic.oup.com/ajcn/article/89/5/1704S/4596965. Accessed 5 May 2021.
Michael E. Mann. “Global warming.” Britannica.https://www.britannica.com/science/global-warming. Accessed 8 May, 2021.
Steinfeld, Henning et al. Livestock's Long Shadow Environmental Issues and Options. Food and Agriculture Organization of the United Nations. 2006.
教师点评
这篇文章从立意、结构到语言都很好地完成了写作要求。开头使用Interstellar的例子引出当今世界面临的问题——食品危机，新颖别致，引人入胜。紧接着，作者明确提出解决方案——plant-based diet。作者接着讨论其它diet的不良影响，进而转向plant-based diet的几个好处。最后，作者呼吁全世界人民为保护地球资源解决食品危机而锐意改革、履行应尽职责。本文的最大亮点是把讨论重点浓缩到食品危机这一个方面的问题，易于论证。开头和结尾处，Interstellar的呼应也是亮点之一。
当然，这篇文章也有一些不足。第三段和第四段对于其它diet的介绍有点多，建议适当删减，并增加对于plant-based diet的解释。另外，如果再增加一些个人方面的讨论，会更有说明力。
参赛感言
很荣幸能参加第一届明德立言写作比赛。非常谢谢两年来教授我综合英语的两位老师——要新乐老师和王晓露老师一直以来的教导和鼓励。感谢组委会给力的团队，在座谈会上感受到了老师们的热情和关怀。刘启升老师精辟地指出了作文中一个我未曾意识到的问题，让我豁然开朗，帮助我继续改进提高。老师们的默默付出成就了我们如此愉快的参赛体验，确实收获颇丰！在切磋中进步，在实践中前行，希望大家在未来积极参与其中。
祝“明德立言”写作大赛越办越好。
